Things to Do While Everyone is at Burning Man


Drive up and down the 101 (both in LA and SF) and enjoy the light traffic. Even if you don’t need to go somewhere, just drive. There’s also going to be a lot more parking so go nuts and double park; you’ve earned it.

Get Laid

Normally people go to Burning Man to get laid. However, you can also use this to your advantage. After all, with so many good-looking people out of town, competition is sparse. Maybe you can finally get that date with the cute barista, for example. Normally, they would only date someone with at least two tattoos of spiritual significance but this week that’s hard to come by.

Pivot Your Startup

If you work in tech, your boss is probably at Burning Man. So go ahead and make a bunch of critical business decisions while the CEO is too far away and too high to know any better. When they get back, pretend like things were always this way. Tell them their perspective has just changed after visiting the playa.

Go Trump and Build a Wall

Form a grassroots movement to build a wall at the Nevada/California border to keep the burners in the desert. Sales of quinoa and fur-lined clothing may decline rapidly here in California but if we’re strong, we can weather the worst of it.

Mess with your Burner Colleagues

Set up elaborate pranks for your coworkers at the burn for them to find upon their return. Examples include leaving drug test kits on their desk along with a note from HR, strategically hiding speakers that subtly play EDM music at inopportune times, or moving the entire office exactly 3 blocks south. Their disorientated state as they return to reality is your opportunity for maximum impact.

Write a Blog Post About Burning Man

This week you can say just about anything you want about Burning Man since almost no one is going to read it. You also have nothing better to do because the kids with the best music and drugs are out of town. May they return safely and soon before things get really boring around here.